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Running a Good Race in Marriage
By Bob Baker
Marriage Foundations of Colorado


When I turned age 6 and started dreaming daily of soon becoming a first grader at the nearby elementary school, I remember having a continuously-running movie in the more optimistic side of my imagination.  I was going to run dozens of short races on the school grounds, always lagging behind at first, and then coming from behind to win at the last second.  It was quite a shock to me when only a part of that dream came true—the part about lagging behind. I usually came in second or third.  Likewise, many of us enter into marriage with a similar romantic notion of how it might be.  When reality sets in—and we find out that marriage takes a great deal of perseverance and hard work--we really need some Heavenly help. We need our thinking to be converted from a “100-yard dash” mentality to a “marathon” mentality.

Heb. 12:1b sheds some good light: “Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”  The marriage race is a marathon which takes the rest of our days—from the wedding date to the finish line.  When the going gets tough—and it does for almost all couples—it is critical that we focus on God’s advice regarding the rough times.  In this “throw-away, instant-serve, microwave” generation, it is critically important that we be reminded often that marriage is a covenant—a lifetime commitment to making it work.

Here are some thoughts that serve as a great reminder of how God calls us to get through the tough times of marriage—how to stay in the lifelong journey of being married:

  • Courage--“Whether your marriage is good, bad, or just plain ugly, there is always hope to make it great.  But great does not come easily.  It takes courage.” (Mark Gungor, author of “Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage”).

  • Discipline--It takes discipline to transform your marriage into the best it can be.  Scott Peck writes in “The Road Less Traveled” that “Delaying gratification is a process of scheduling the pain and pleasures of life in such a way as to enhance the pleasure by meeting…the pain first and getting it over with.” Stated differently, discipline often requires us to get the pain out of the way first before we can reach the good things in life. 

  • Anger—Eph. 4:26 exhorts us to stay up late and work out our anger before we go to sleep.  This means that instead of burying our anger, we need to deal proactively with the source of it—which is usually hurt, disappointment, injustice or some other related negative emotion.  This requires the first two things listed above—courage and discipline.

  • Suiting Up—To run this life of perseverance, discipline, and courage we need to “put on our marathon running shoes.” This also requires a special mindset that the Bible calls “girding up the loins of your mind.”  In I Peter 1:13 (KJV), we see these words: “Wherefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and hope to the end for the grace that is to be brought unto you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” The phrase “gird up the loins” comes from a Greek word that was used to describe Orientals who wore extra long robes and girdles around their waists. Before they took off on a long walking journey or ran a race, they had to gather up their loose robes and tuck them into their girdle.  Then, they were free to move ahead without the long, dangling ends of a robe dragging the ground and tripping them up.  In the Bible passage quoted above, notice that Peter is speaking about the “loins of your mind.”  Obviously, he knew something about the “race of life”—that if we don’t work at it, we will become entangled and distracted by the dangling and random thoughts of our mind.  Lots of people have lost the prize of a lasting marriage by not learning to control their thought life and replacing the negative stuff with the Word of God. 

  • Endurance—In Heb. 12:2-3, we are invited to “…[F]ix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” Just as Jesus was empowered by his Heavenly Father to keep his eye on the plan of God for His life, we too have that potential by regularly re-committing to walk in obedience to God. This requires a measure of faith to believe that trials overcome will eventually result in trophies earned, either now or later in Heaven. Marriage is one of the best places to practice this discipline—because it is so “daily.”

  • The Stadium—“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.” (I Cor. 9:24). The word “race” used in this passage is the word from which we get “stadium.” Paul wrote this at a time when his readers were quite familiar with the Olympic-level competition in the Greek stadiums of their time. They knew that the winners of every race would be richly rewarded, both materially and with great honor.  Paul is painting a portrait of competing in front of large gatherings of people. In short, he is exhorting us to run the race well—not only to obtain the full blessing of God (Rom. 2:10) but also to impact those others who are observing our race—including our children. This requires much more than just “jogging for Jesus,” as suggested by author Rick Renner in “Sparkling Gems from the Greek.” It requires us to make our marriages a “lighthouse” of warmth and refuge for those who are still being tossed by the angry ocean waves of marital strife.

  • The Finish Line—In 2 Timothy 4:7 the apostle Paul declares unabashedly to his friend, Tim, that “I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.” No matter how difficult our marriage may become in this lifetime, Paul is challenging us to finish well—to be ready to stand boldly before the Lord when we arrive at His place of judgment (2 Cor. 5:10). Since He is a covenantal God, I think He delights in giving us enough grace to stay “hitched” in the yoke of our wedding vows even when the marriage battle becomes almost unbearable.  Our logical mind will often ask: Why the heck would He want us to do that?  Jesus answers us through the apostle Paul in 2 Timothy 4:8: “Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.”

  • The Prize:  Mt. 25:21: "… Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!”


Rocky Mountain Family Council
8704 Yates Drive, Suite 205
Westminster, CO 80031
(303) 292-1800

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